Hindsight is 2020
As we start to wind down 2020, I take a pause to jot down some of my beliefs*, many of which are influenced by wisdom and experiences others have kindly shared (and I tried to give a nod to those people, and I surely missed many that have become messages I’ve internalized along the way). These beliefs shape the way I show up in life, and of course inform my outlook for 2021. What are some of your beliefs? How do they shape you? How many impossible things do you believe before breakfast? (Lewis Carrol). I believe …
“People do best they can with the information, support, and resources they have access to.” (paraphrased from Deepak Chopra, who may or may not have said it first (do you know?), explored and popularized by Brene Brown, many many others) Therefore, if someone is acting strangely to you, consider what information they may have been fed or not fed, consider their context. And then give generously, the information and resources and support that you can.
It is not ‘being too nice’ to withhold or be dishonest with your feedback. It’s the opposite. Kindness is to help someone see more clearly that which they could not previously see.
Results are a byproduct. I believe that it’s more effective and important to focus my energy on the *sources* — the roots of results. Relationships. Learning & Personal Development. Well-Being. Experiences. I trust that results are a byproduct.
Results themselves are not the reason to believe; invest all your energy on results and more likely the experience will be frustrating, unhealthy. More likely learning will be compromised, and relationships will suffer. Tend to the roots, and enjoy the journey.
Putting people into boxes feels convenient, maybe even helpful, but I wonder: is doing this more helpful to you, the boxer, or to them, the boxed?
The opposite of adaptability is extinction.
To solve any puzzle, when stuck, it’s helpful to consider it from another perspective. Doing so may or may not solve the puzzle, but it’s always worth doing.
“Before you can be happy, you have to first understand the ways in which you are making yourself unhappy. And then as you see them, stop doing them to yourself.” (Paraphrased from an introduction to some non-descript coffee table book on mindfulness or gratitude or the like. It was the best part of the book!)
Every moment is a gift. No moment is wasted. With practice, this mindset transforms frustration into peace; setback into growth; resentment into gratitude. Allow yourself to feel what you feel, without avoiding it nor clinging to it, nor trying to ‘control’ it, and then embrace the possibility of something different. Because “no feeling is final.” (Rilke)
'Between stimulus and response there is a space. And in that space holds your power.' (Paraphrased from Victor Frankl.) And, being human means we forget, and then must re-learn this time and again. It’s part of the beauty and mystery of the human experience. And, being human doesn't mean we're separate from nature or superior to other beings. 'We ARE nature.' (Alan Watts)
If you believe that who you were a year ago, 5 years ago, 10 years ago was a work in progress — then it’s useful to remember with humility that your future self will also view who you are today as a work in progress. Be humble, stay curious, and be kind to yourself. And be kind to others who are on their own personal journeys too. In the end, "we're all just walking each other home." (Ram Dass)
What resonates? What doesn’t? You may not share all of these beliefs. But we both belong to each other. After all, we’re all different, but not separate, which makes you and me and everything else interconnected. This may be best said as Belief #11: you (already) belong. (Sebene Selassi)
*Subject to change. As we do.
